It’s been one month since my Dad’s accident.
In many ways, my life has returned to normal. I am back in Minneapolis; I spend my days looking for part-time work, taking care of myself, and spending time with the people (and cats) that I love.
But my center of gravity has shifted.
The month before the accident I left my full-time job and dedicated August to working my ass off on my business—this business. greyspace consulting.
I was ready to experience what it was like to work full-time on something I was actually
The deal I made with myself was that I would begin to look for part-time work again on September 1st.
My dad’s accident happened on August 25th—one week before that deadline.
At that point in August I was feeling the momentum of the three weeks of really hard work I had put in.
I was meeting three times a week (virtually) with two amazing people that had also gone through B-school this spring. We had agreed to hold each other accountable to our work goals and, more
importantly, to provide support to one another as entrepreneurs.
I did a massive overhaul on my website.
I created a new Trans 101 training.
I was putting myself out there left and right.
I was brimming with excitement and creativity.
And then my world was put on pause for two weeks.
And I’m so grateful that it was.
It’s true that I had an old and familiar voice inside of me that told me to feel sorry for myself. To be upset that I had lost two weeks of precious time that I could have been working on my business and
maximizing on the creative energy I had been feeling.
But another voice became louder than that one and said: this pause is important.
So I took the opportunity to pause.
Which meant no forward movement. Which meant not striving to make money or connections or deadlines.
And a funny thing happened.
My center of gravity shifted.
In the stillness of the pause, in the quiet of presence, it became pretty clear to me that the work I am doing in the world needs to shift. Needs to be different.
How exactly, you ask? That’s a great question, and I will let you know when I have the answer.
Will my work be drastically different, unrecognizable compared to what I have been doing?
I don’t think so.
I feel pretty convinced that my work in the world is to be of service to queer and trans
But I need to do that work in a way that feeds me as well.
And I’m figuring out what that looks like right now.
Tomorrow is the Fall Equinox (in the Northern Hemisphere), which simply means that the sun shines
directly on the equator and the length of daylight and darkness are equal.
Pretty effing poetic, no?
For me—and many others—the Fall Equinox is also a time of reflection. I use it is a time to examine if there is anything in my life that I need to shed before the cozy, inward months of winter arrive.
My answer is almost always yes. We all have things in our lives that aren’t working for us anymore.
One of the things I am letting go of this year is this: the belief that I can’t make money while doing the thing that I love in the world.
Like, actually love. Not just the thing I kind of like because I’m really good at it and it makes the most sense to do because it pays well.
Like, the thing that feeds my soul.
It’s true that I thought greyspace consulting, in its current configuration, was it.
Come to find out it’s not.
I’ve been channeling the wise words of Marie Forleo a lot this past week when I’ve felt tempted to berate myself for changing my mind so much and not having “the thing I want to do” nailed down:
Clarity comes from engagement.
Engage with life and let go.
Engage with life and let go.
Easier said than done when we can get so fixed on the way we want or think things should go.
And we aren’t all gifted a two-week pause that gives us a chance to let go and see what shakes out on the other side.
What will you be shedding this fall? A habit, a relationship, a way of thinking? A way of relating to
What’s no longer working for you?
Let me know in the comments below.
I know this post is different from the other ones I’ve written. I know the content is different than what I originally promised.
Change is happening.
I can’t promise what will come next, except another post in two weeks. I hope you join me on this
I’ll be seeing you soon.
With gratitude always,